Sunday, January 9, 2011 Shopping, Cock biting

I woke up at 6, thinking that was pretty early, but it turns out the old ladies were already awake at 4am, one was already at the 5:30am Sunday mass, and the other was slaving away in the kitchen to make my breakfast.  Eek, I feel so guilty, but I can't really stop them.  Plus they said I was their only visitor besides Vee and her family.  I had some mussels, rice, fruit, and noodles, and then they walked me to the town square, where I hailed a bus back to Manila.  The ride was nondescript, only two hours.  I took a cab straight to Greenhills Mall for one of my favorite parts of the trip; shopping!  I normally hate shopping, but here it's different.  I spent like $300 (which is a steal, considering all the shit I bought; Louis Vuitton roller suitcase, Louis Vuitton duffel bag, five Louis Vuitton wallets, a Movado watch, five pairs of shirts, two Lacoste shirts, two pairs of True Religion jeans, three pairs of Diesel and Puma shoes, and five pairs of shorts.  I think that'll do it.  Oh, and a shirt that says I <3 Pinas (sound it out).  Talk about bargain and haggle central; most everything was eventually halved in price.  It was just so freaking cheap, and this mall was ENORMOUS.  I got lost a couple times and got nervous I wasn't going to be able to find the shop where I left my bag.  Ain't nothing like a little retail therapy to end my awesome vacation.  I got the jeans hemmed for $5 and then re-packed everything which was absolutely hilarious.  Basically I had 2 suitcases for the trip home; a Louis Vuitton rollerbag, and a Louis Vuitton duffle bag.  Personal porter optional.  And the best part about this, is right after that I took a cab to the "cockpit", to watch probably the furthest thing possible designer, cockfighting.  First of all, it's hilarious hearing Filipinos talk about cockfighting because they mix up "p" and "f", so it sounds like they're saying "cock biting" (which could also get really dangerous I would imagine), where you are supposed to "bet on biggest cock".  They even had signs on the arena for "8-cock derby".  And the jokes are endless...  The cockpit was pretty big and, let's just say, functional.  It had a bunch of comfortable bleachers and $4 got me front row seats (probably not the best, because the hardcore betters were all standing on the top deck and I was getting feathers all over me).  It was quite the spectacle.  First, these three guys come out holding roosters, and there is basically one pissed off rooster who pecks and runs at each of the two contenders to infect them with his charm.  Then the crowd starts going wild, and it seems that everyone is yelling at the top of their lungs "Tres" or "Dos" or "Cuatro", and pointing to these guys in red shirts at the bottom of the ring, who coordinate the bets.  Don't ask how they figure it out; it's chaos, to say the least.  Then the two guys take off the little plastic sheaths on the roosters' feet, revealing sharp razors, and drop them in the ring.  Almost immediately, there is silence as everyone watches the ball of feathers flying every which way until one appears victorious and one is basically dead.  PETA loves this.  At least it's not as bad as the Korean horse fighting... I don't really know why it's not as bad, maybe just because horses are cuter and not used as KFC regardless?  I had lunch at the very authentic smoky cafeteria, where there were big crowds of guys stroking, teasing, and showing off their cocks to compare for size (sorry, it never gets old).  I took a cab to the airport and did all the formalities before catching my 11pm flight from Manila to Shanghai.  At all Filipino airports they have "departure fees" you have to pay on top of your tickets.  It's $4 for domestic and $15 for international (payable in cash only) so it's not enough to change my mind about flying, but still, just fucking include that in the ticket... what an annoyance.  Because in Peru I had changed all my money in the terminal and then they're like "Oh you have to pay your $25 departure tax or you can't leave", so I had to re-withdrawal $40.  There are few things I hate more than departure fees.  Again, I had to go through China immigration for my 10 hours in the airport.  In Shanghai, everything was closed so I slept on a bench in the departures lounge.  I had meager aspirations of taking a bus into Shanghai to see New Bund area for a while, but then after hearing it was 1 degree Celsius, ixnay on the ourtay.  What a trip; certainly had its challenges, but for the most part, an overall awesome experience.  Highlights were definitely the friendliness, hospitality, Americanization, and optimism of the people, prices, everything about Boracay beach, lack of tourists, lack of rules and urinating in public tickets, swimming with whale sharks, and food (when available).  Lowlights were definitely the lack of efficient tourist and basic infrastructure, the weather, my birthday spent on 5 Jeepneys and eating in a mall food court and not being able to buy a bus ticket, and lack of haste of the people, food (when not available which is basically 24/7).  I'm definitely depressed to have to go back home... But that's a good thing, that means I've enjoyed my time (aka busy season for me starts tomorrow).

Saturday, January 8, 2011 Visiting Veronica's relatives

This morning I was nothing short of a hot mess.  I woke up drunk still, sprawled in my bed, and had to go buy Gatorade for my second hangover in a row.  It was cloudy, which wasn't so bad, since I had to leave Boracay Island.  I'm actually really sad to leave this place; it's so fun having nothing to do except lie on the beautiful beach, get massages, eat seafood buffets, and party with fun Aussies.  I hopped on a tricycle to the port of Boracay, then got on a short ferry ride, then got in this van whose driver said "Airport".  Except I noticed that we were going into these rural areas and it was taking WAY longer than the 3-minute tricycle ride like before.  Oh, because they were going to the airport in Roxas, not Caticlan!  So they stopped the entire van and made sure got on another van back to Caticlan, which was so nice of them, and I had more than plenty of time to spare before my 11am flight to Manila.  Manila was sunny and warm when I landed.  Flying over was a trip; basically it was a few skyscrapers here and there, and the rest was a sea of shanties for miles as far as the eye could see.  A city of 12 million, 75% living in overcrowded unsanitary slums; that's pretty unfathomable.  I had instructions to go to the "Genesis" bus terminal, which wasn't a problem, but then going to the mall to check my email was a nightmare.  To get there (in Pasay City) with my bag and hungover was so annoying.  Manila is one of the most overcrowded unsustainable cities I think I've ever been to (and I've been to Nairobi, Los Angeles haha, Mumbai, and Cairo).  Which means there were people everywhere, pissing and sleeping on the street, carrying chicharron on their heads, and just standing around watching the one tourist a week that comes through this part of town.  It's also amazing the lack of tourism and tourism infrastructure in this city, Thank God everything is in US English.  I got online and then caught the bus to Balanga, in Bataan province (it's a peninsula west of Manila bay), which is infamous for the Bataan Death March, where thousands of US soldiers were marched across the peninsula to POW camps by the Japanese during WWII, a lot of whom perished along the way.  Balanga was a nice little town on the water.  I hadn't a clue what these people looked like, so luckily I was approached by Veronica's "[Filipino version of] cousin" Mariabeth.  She and her friend and Veronica's auntie Meli had rented a tricycle to take me to their village of Hermosa, about 30 minutes north.  On the way, they stopped at the oyster stand and bought bags of fresh oysters for $2.  We stopped at this little shack under a banyan tree for some palabok pancit (curry noodles) and halo halo (which I was hesitant to try due to the fact that they don't use purified water for the ice).  After that we drove to their house in the cute litte village (but since we're in the Philippines it's population 100,000) and went to their little cottage.  It's basically a long mobile home-type structure with a bathroom, kitchen, living room, family room, and bedroom.  Filipinos are quite accustomed to living in close quarters with little privacy, as in this case, where Veronica's aunt sleeps in the same bed with her older aunt.  When the family members visit they also stay in the bed with them, but I think they thought I'd be uncomfortable sleeping with two complete strangers, so the two 60+ year old ladies set up sheets in the living room, sleeping on the concrete floor, relinquishing the comfy California king bed to me (talk about making me feel awful!)  But they were really happy to have a guest (basically the only one who visits them except for family).  Meli was saying how people were asking her who was this guest who was staying with her, and she goes "I have no idea"!  She was a funny lady with a great laugh.  She was asking if I knew "Gabino"; "Uh, not that I know of, should I know him?", "Yes, he Veronica boypriend" [Gabino = Gavin].  As with all Filipino women, these ladies knew how to cook and they whipped up some amazing food.  We had vegetables, pancit, lumpia Shanghai [ground pork filled fried rolls], chicken adobo, fresh oysters with vinegar, and upon my request, balut.  The meal was so delicious, even being hungover as I was.  I ate like five plates worth.  Ok so let me explain balut; basically everyone associates Filipino food with lumpia Shanghai, or balut.  Balut is a hard-boiled egg, except what differentiates it is that the "egg" is actually a half-developed embryo.  Meaning you peel it and it's firm, with visible mucous, veins, and even feathers.  They write "B" for balut on the egg, because picture someone expecting to eat a regular ole hard boiled egg, and instead getting a chicken fetus.  After getting over the initial appearance, I happily poured some vinegar and salt on and bit into it.  I ate two because they got them specially for me (and they didn't think that was a lot because she knows people who eat 10 at one sitting).  To be honest, it wasn't bad.  Never know until you try it!  After dinner we had one of Mariabeth's friends drive us, with her two other nurse friends, to Subic Bay, which used to be the town adjacent surrounds of the US military base.  What I'm trying to say is it used to be a dirty, raucous shitshow of whorehouses and bars (aka Isla Vista for American sailors).  Now it's a family tourist destination, with watersports, a nice marina, and lively nightlife, and it's mostly all Filipinos.  We spent the evening watching outdoor performers (who were actually pretty good at doing covers since Filipinos are good impersonators, and comedy even though it was in Tagalog).  The singer even nailed "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston, very impressive!  Even though vastly Filipino, there were some smatterings of Koreans and US ex-military and their mixed descendants.  After that we drove through Olongapo City (also infamous with Americans for being a slummy town with "Shit River" separating the city and the base) which was awash with loud nightclubs and a lively night market, where I got some other counterfeit goodies.

Friday, January 7, 2011 Boracay Island Day 2

I woke up hungover as hell, but there was nothing better than 2 Gatorades, a water, and a whole fresh coconut full of coco water.  I saw that the sun was out, so I hastily ran to the beach to take pictures before it clouded over again.  I walked around the beach for a while, and then somehow remembered that I had to meet the Australian brother and sister from last night at Club Paraw at 1pm.  Turns out the sister Alex is 19 years old and the brother Lars is FIFTEEN years old (but at least looks 20).  We hung out and walked along the beach; they were really cool (I mean, obviously, they are Aussies, they're always fun).  Just hanging out with kids on their summer high school break, who can't even drink or drive yet.  I got a superior $7 massage, and then had dinner at one of the bazillion seafood buffets.  I was sitting alone and so the manager asked if I cared if a mom and her daughter sat with me, so of course I didn't mind, and it turns out they are Filipino but live in SAN FRANCISCO.  What are the chances?  We ended up becoming friends and spent 3 hours together at dinner!  I, of course, had been saving up my appetite all day for this glorious moment.  Oysters, clams (like, literally Manila clams), mussels, BBQ chicken, lechon (pig with apple in mouth), porkfat adobo, watermelon, pancit, and a bunch of other stuff.  Amazing and $6 total.  After that I met up with the Australians at Club Paraw but we moved over to some other club down the beach where the bartender hooked us up with like 4 free shots each.  Clearly, we all got hammered.  Lars had to be at home at 12 because of his parents' curfew, so we went to their awesome room with him, and were hanging out by the pool for a while and were throwing the lawnchairs into the pool and getting yelled at by Russians (in Russian), but the Filipino guards didn't do anything about it.  We went up to the hotel bar and got more cheap/free shots and got even more hammered.  It was so fun; again, all the Filipinos were coming up to us, dancing and taking photos.  Lars went to bed and then Alex and I went to the club, which was bumping with house music and trendy Europeans and Aussies (clearly not grinding on each other though, because only Americans do that).  I was blacked out doing God Knows What in that club until 4am.  Such a great time!  I love Boracay.

Thursday, January 6, 2011 Boracay Island

Nothing like waking up at 4am and having the hotel guard tell you you owe more money than was originally agreed upon because it's "Sinulog" festival.  I was furious.  First, Sinulog is THREE weeks from now.  Second, I was like "Oh, why don't you just use some of the money you STOLE from me yesterday from my room!"  Yesterday I came back and should have had $100 but only had $40.  Not like it's a big deal, but still I think thieves are some of the lowliest parasites on this earth.  At least rob me at gunpoint or pickpocket me!  Then at least you can say you "earned" the money.  Whatever, at least my passport is safe.  After switching cabs because the first refused to use the meter, I finally got to Cebu Mactan International Airport.  I think Filipino names are some of the coolest; Mactan, Sagada, Olongapo, Ninoy Aquino, Boracay, Zamboanga.  I checked in and unlike flights in the past, this was about 95% foreigners, going from Cebu to Boracay.  It was a little prop flight to the Philippines' #1 tourist destination; Boracay Island, a couple mile long island off the coast of Panay Island, surrounded by coral reef and white sand beaches.  But it's weird; before getting to White Beach (the Miami Beach of Miami), you would never know.  You first have to take a plane to Caticlan on Panay Island, then you fill out an arrivals form (which I don't understand), then you take a $0.50 tricycle to the port (none of this is explained by the way), then you pay a $0.50 environmental fee, then you pay some other $1 [corruption] fee, then you pay $3 for the boat ticket, then you pay $0.50 for the Jeepney/tricycle to the center of White Beach.  The whole way it's nothing but dusty, working towns filled with no tourists, and then all of a sudden you get to White Beach, and you walk west of the main road, and it's 95% tourists.  Unfortunately it was rainy so it made my search for cheap hotels difficult, especially since there is a lack of budget accommodation here, and most hotels were fully booked.  The hostel I originally wanted was all full, so I had to end up just going next door, and it was actually really cheap and a nice big room all to myself, close to the main D'Mall of central White Beach.  So I spent the day walking around the beach and just relaxing.  Of course, the couple days I'm here it's overcast and even rainy.  I had some good food; a Filipino breakfast (garlic rice, beef tapa, and egg), a half chicken meal, and a HUGE margarita glass full of yummy halo halo which I finished while watching everyone struggle walking around in the downpour.  The weather definitely put me in a sour mood, but whatever.  I got a massage on the beach, and went in the nice turquoise water.  There were lots of kids running around, which is normal in the Philippines, where the President has strong ties to the Catholic Church who has lobbied successfully against a family planning program.  Of course there were hawkers trying to sell you on activities on basically anything that floats.  There were tons of Russians/Europeans/Australians/overseas Filipinos vacationing here.  I also of course saw tons of couples (white old man with young Filipina girl), but who had no mixed children (a shame because we all know that half white, half Asian/Pacific Islanders are the basically the most superior people humans can produce).  The beachfront was nice, with palmtrees and shaded seats, with bars and restaurants and souvenir shops coming right up to the sand (not terribly tsunami safe).  I made the unfortunate mistake of trusting Lonely Planet and doing "Happy Hour" from 5-8pm.  So I had a few drinks at some of the bars by myself, which was kind of lame.  Lamer was the fact that I missed out on all the spectacular $6 seafood buffets right on the beach.  Lamest was the fact that nothing really started going on until after 11, by which point I was already blacked out.  I spent most of my time in Club Paraw after getting kicked out of Guilly's Island after sneaking into a Russian party where no one was even smiling.  Apparently their version of Christmas is today, and so they head rented out the hugest club in Boracay because Russians are loaded.  And still, no one was smiling.  I met this Australian brother and sister and we basically started the dance party, after which all these Filipina girls were coming up to us and dancing.  It was pretty funny.